Today is my 17th anniversary, we have not spoken even a complete sentence to each other so far today. We will not eat dinner together, There will be no joy in today for me.
Yesterday was Valentine's Day. It would have been nice to have someone that loved me help me cook in the kitchen, we could have done it while listening to music. instead he has this false sense of helping if he sets the table and stands in the adjacent room watching a movie. Must be a good movie.
When will I get the guy who is always helping cook dinner and clean up in the kitchen, sharing the day's happenings, talking about things that matter?
Oh, that's right, NOT IN THIS LIFE.
Last night I couldn't sleep. Oh, did I mention he never said Happy Valentine's Day!!!
I just could not fall deeply asleep, my body, heart and hear were all tied up in knots. I wanted to sleep. About 4 am I got up and came down stairs to the family room and cried, I just firmly believe that DON DOES NOT LOVE ME!!!
Don came down about 4:30, arrgh, my privacy invaded, sometimes you just need to be alone and cry, this was one of those times. He asked if I wanted some coffee, are you kidding??? I went back up to bed and after tossing a bit was able to go to sleep. He got ready and left for Church without even waking me of saying goodbye to me this morning.
Did I mention that today is OUR ANNIVERSARY????!!!!
DAMN!!!
He has some VFW dinner he is going to tonight, it's at this horrible little local restaurant, Jonsey's, I cannot eat there, they use MSG in almost everything so I am not going. Did I mention it is our Anniversary???!!!
Happy late Valentine's Day. Warm wishes on your Anniversary. Came across your blog. Couldn't help but see much of my old self in your words.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could reach out and give you a hug and tell you that you aren't alone. God does love you, He alone can fill in all those empty places in your heart. Don't despair. You have a new found friend....me.