3 physicists are in an African Rain forest proving a new theory they have about humidity and probability. The 1st physicist picks up a brick and states that he will throw it in the air and it will land on the ground at exactly 8.334 feet south and 2.5 feet west of a designated marker. Sure enough, his prediction is right on the mark. The crowd cheers, pictures are taken, etc. The 2nd physicist picks up the brick and makes a similar claim, this time 6.75 feet from the mark. Again, right on the mark. The 3rd physicist picks up the brick and states that he will throw it in the air. He does and..........it never comes down. (laugh)
Joke#1B
A zoologist is vying for a career with the San Diego Zoo, but there are many applicants and the Zoo officials devise criteria to help them make their decision. The first of which is going to Africa and obtaining a rare bird for their collection. So this certain Zoologist sets forth with his faithful companion, a very musical and patriotic monkey he has raised from a baby, to Africa.
On the plane, well into the flight, passengers start to complain about the monkey. So the stewardess tells the gentleman that because of airline policy that he will either have to place the monkey in the cargo hold or flush the monkey. After much argument, he decides the more humane way is to flush the monkey, as the cargo hold is not temperature controlled. After he returns to his seat from flushing his monkey he lights up a very expensive Cuban cigar. The passengers are outraged and he just won't put it out so the stewardess and the pilot force him to flush that as well. He is now livid, and cannot be consoled. he stomps back to his seat and reaches over to , raise the window shade , he's sitting right above the wing, and what do you suppose he sees on the wing? The brick.
#1C
The plane lands in Africa and the Zoologist heads into the Jungle to find this rare bird. Along the way he comes across a man in a loin cloth painting stripes on Zebras, now we don't know if he is painting Black stripes on White Zebras or White stripes on Black Zebras, and that's not important so I'll just go on. The zoologist introduces himself to Tarzan and asks him for help finding the bird. Tarzan directs him over a raveen, behind a rock to a nest full of brightly colored eggs, He tells the Zoologist to run with the nest in his hand and the bird will follow, as they are her eggs. The zoologist does as directed and the bird follows him, he captures it and returns to San Diego Zoo. Everyone is happy, and the Zoo sends him on another quest.
This time for a baby African Elephant. The Zoologist is certain Tarzan can help him again so he heads to Africa. Once there the Zoologist heads into the Jungle and finds Tarzan dressed in a loin cloth, painting stripes on Zebras, now we don't know if he is painting Black stripes on White Zebras or White stripes on Black Zebras, and that's not important so I'll just go on. After talking briefly Tarzan agrees to help his new friend, He informs the Zoologist that Baby African Elephants can't resist bananas dipped in peanut butter and encourages him to leave a trail outside a certain cave and an Elephant will follow him. Sure enough, several bananas later the Zoologist is on his way back to San Diego with a baby African Elephant. Back at the Zoo, everybody is thrilled and they send him on a final quest.
To bring back an all white Zebra. He is certain Tarzan will help him now and the Zoologist heads for the last time to that same jungle in Africa. He finds Tarzan, still in his loin cloth painting stripes on Zebras, now we don't know if he is painting Black stripes on White Zebras or White stripes on Black Zebras, and that's not important so I'll just go on. Tarzan promises to give the Zoologist his last all white Zebra but only after the two sit for a while and get to know each other better, At a point in their conversation the Zoologist begs Tarzan to tell him why he isn't out swinging and yelling in the canopy and why he is always painting stripes on Zebras. Tarzan tells him that several years ago Jane left him for a life back in the big city and this made him very sad. He went to a meadow to be by himself and ask the Earth and Sky to send him a sign, to tell him what he should do, Just then a patriotic and very musical Monkey with a cigar in his mouth fell from the sky and proclaimed: "STARZAN Stripes Forever!".
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